Charlie slogs through the cafeteria slop line.
PLOP. A mound of sludge melts across his plate. PLOP. PLOP.
Three mounds, each one more disgusting than the last.
Charlie heads for a quiet corner of the lunchroom and sits at
an empty table. He eyes the "food," slides it away from him.
SNACKS (O.S.)
Can I have it? I mean, if you're
not gonna eat it?
Charlie looks around. There, behind him. It's Snacks. He
hangs suspended, duct-taped face-first to a vending machine.
Charlie pokes at his food.
CHARLIE
What is it?
SNACKS
Who cares? It smells awesome. Oh,
and thanks for getting those guys
off my back earlier today.
CHARLIE
I just re-directed their line of
fire. You want some help?
SNACKS
That'd be great. I've got a couple
quarters in my pocket. Hit D-5.
CHARLIE
I meant help getting down.
SNACKS
Better not. They'll just double the
tape next time.
Charlie grabs the knife from his tray.
CHARLIE
I can't leave you here.
He begins to hack at the tape holding Snacks to the machine.
CHARLIE (CONT’D)
I'm Charlie.
SNACKS
Koby, but everyone calls me Snacks.
CHARLIE
Of course they do.
Suddenly, a hand presses Charlie's against the glass. The
knife drops to the ground. He's surrounded, swallowed by a
sea of nerds.
GOTH GEEK
Bad idea, toilet breath.
CHARLIE
I think the bad idea was your
parents ever meeting.
Goth Geek slams into Charlie and the boys roll around,
fighting for control.
Students swarm from every direction to get a view of the
action. "Fight. Fight. Fight."
Charlie gets the upper hand, pins Goth Geek to the ground. He
pulls his fist back...
The crowd suddenly goes silent as a chill fills the
cafeteria. Charlie tries to make out what's going on.
FOOTSTEPS echo across the room. The crowd parts.
A long, black cape nips at black boots as an ominous figure
splits the crowd and moves to Charlie's side.
BENNY OLTORF, 17, King of the Nerds, has arrived. While he
surely thinks of himself as a teen Darth Vader, he's really
more a modern-day Ichabod Crane.
He lowers his shades and stares down Charlie. Speaks with an
accent that seems to be a strange mix of Spanish and Swedish.
BENNY
This the guy?
GOTH GEEK
Yeah.
BENNY
(to Charlie)
Do you know who I am?
CHARLIE
Dork Vader?
Benny allows himself a hint of a smile. Then a frown.
BENNY
Funny guy. I'm Benny, leader of the
Jets. And you're either very brave
or very stupid.
Benny circles Charlie. Makes a show of his cape.
BENNY (CONT’D)
It will be a shame to kill you.
Princess leans over and whispers in Benny's ear.
BENNY (CONT’D)
Really.
(to Charlie)
Apparently I can't kill you.
Benny grabs a fistful of Charlie's shirt. A crooked smile
reveals a set of equally crooked teeth.
BENNY (CONT’D)
But cross the Jets again, and we
will make your life a living hell.
Is that what you want?
Now it’s Charlie’s turn to smile.
CHARLIE
Nah. I’ve been to hell. Didn’t like
the way your mom ran it.
Benny, furious, pushes Charlie to the floor. Looks to Goth
Geek - "deal with him." Benny sweeps his cape dramatically,
turns and walks away. The crowd parts as he does.
As Charlie watches him leave, he notices Izzy sitting at a
nearby table with several GIRLS.
She glances at Charlie. A hint of a smile, and Charlie grins
in return. For a moment, all is right in his world.
Unfortunately, this is Charlie's world, so naturally, the joy
is short-lived. A PAIR OF HANDS grabs him by the shoulders.
LATER
Snacks, still taped to the vending machine, is not alone.
Charlie hangs next to him. Upside-down.
SNACKS
Which one is your favorite? I like
the Animal Crackers. Let 'em get
stale, dunk 'em in milk --
Charlie's head bangs softly against the glass.
CHARLIE
Is every day going to be like this?
SNACKS
Most likely, yeah.
Charlie resumes banging his head against the glass. A candy
bar drops from its perch.
SNACKS (CONT’D)
Sweet!
Charlie looks to the floor. A pair of Keds’ sneakers appear
in his line of sight. He tilts his head up to see:
TREKKIE. He puts a finger to his lips: SHHH.
Trekkie reaches into his pocket, pulls out a switchblade and
flicks it open, then hacks at the tape.
SNACKS (CONT’D)
What’s going on?
CHARLIE
It’s Trekkie.
SNACKS
Oh cool.
(To Trekkie)
Want to share some animal crackers?
CHARLIE
Why are you helping us?
TREKKIE
Benny treats me just like he treats
you. None of us deserve it.
He continues to hack away.
Charlie lays on his bed, a school book on his lap. His
attention wanders over to the picture of he and his dad on a
night stand next to the bed.
CHARLIE
It's not what I expected, dad.
I don't fit in.
(beat)
How do I stop being the prey?
Nothing. Charlie sighs, returns to his book.
Charlie opens his locker. Inside, a NOTE. It simply reads:
"TAKE THE CHALLENGE."
Charlie looks around. Studies the note. Confused, he stuffs
it in his backpack, grabs a few books and shuffles away.
Toots, Charlie, Izzy and Snacks walk down the hallway. Just
as they reach some classroom doors, they burst open. Benny
barges right over Charlie, sending him splaying on the floor.
CHARLIE
You blind, you big doofus?
BENNY
What did you say, you pinhead?
CHARLIE
Am I supposed to be insulted by
that? The reason I ask is because
I'm a pinhead.
Benny is thrown off kilter. Frustrated, he reaches down and
grabs Charlie's backpack, turns it upside down. The note from
Charlie’s locker flutters to the floor in front of Snacks.
Benny takes the backpack and jams it on Charlie's head. Zips
it up. Charlie has the proverbial turkey on the head look.
BENNY
You’re not very bright, are you.
CHARLIE
Well, I am a pinhead.
IZZY
Leave him alone, Benny.
The backpack turns in Izzy's direction.
CHARLIE
I got this.
Benny pushes Charlie over and stomps off. Charlie struggles
to get the backpack off.
CHARLIE (CONT’D)
Maybe I don’t...
He finally gets it off just as Snacks finds the note on the
floor. He picks it up and reads: TAKE THE CHALLENGE. He waves
the note at Charlie.
SNACKS
What is this?
CHARLIE
It was in my locker.
SNACKS
Forget it, okay? You’re wasting
your time. And you’ll get killed.
CHARLIE
I don't even know what we're
talking about. What the heck is
this Challenge anyway?
Charlie, Izzy, Toots and Snacks stand in front of the school
trophy case. It's pretty sparse.
Above the meager collection of trophies is a banner:
"PINCKLEY HIGH SCHOOL - HOME OF THE FIGHTING LEGUMES!"
In the corner of the case rests a BEANSTALK.
CHARLIE
The Fighting Legumes?
TOOTS
When the only thing your town is
known for is producing soybeans,
the name kinda sticks.
CHARLIE
Kinda sucks.
SNACKS
It’s a big deal around here. The
Pork and Beans Challenge brings the
winner mad respect and glory. See,
our big rival is James Francis Ryan
High. Their mascot is the Wild
Hogs, and every year students from
each school are supposed to try and
steal the other's mascot the week
before the big game. To win the
Challenge, they have to get the
rival's mascot to midfield during
the halftime show.
CHARLIE
Crazy. Anyone ever pulled it off?
TOOTS
Ryan High could care less. Our
mascot is just a guy with a paper
mache bean head. Hard to steal when
we just keep it locked up until the
night of the game. But their
mascot...
Toots points to a picture near the large beanstalk.
INSERT: A large picture of five students surrounding a
massive hog.
CHARLIE
Holy cow. Who are those guys?
TOOTS
That’s the last group from Pinkley
to pull it off, twenty years ago.
IZZY
(proudly)
That’s my dad on the end. Skip.
CHARLIE
So awesome. I’ll bet that...
Charlie trails off. Suddenly his eyes go wide with amazement.
CHARLIE (CONT’D)
Oh my gosh... Dad?
(points)
That’s my dad! Wow!
IZZY
What? Where?
CHARLIE
Third from the left!
IZZY
Your dad was friends with my dad?
That’s so cool.
SNACKS
It was cool. But that was then.
This is now. No one in their right
mind is going after that hog.
TOOTS
Nice buzz kill, man.
SNACKS
C’mon, we gotta get to class.
Charlie takes in the picture a little longer.
CHARLIE
(to himself)
Mad respect and glory...
— ②
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - LUNCHROOM - DAY
Charlie slogs through the cafeteria slop line.
PLOP. A mound of sludge melts across his plate. PLOP. PLOP.
Three mounds, each one more disgusting than the last.
Charlie heads for a quiet corner of the lunchroom and sits at
an empty table. He eyes the "food," slides it away from him.
SNACKS (O.S.)
Can I have it? I mean, if you're
not gonna eat it?
Charlie looks around. There, behind him. It's Snacks. He
hangs suspended, duct-taped face-first to a vending machine.
Charlie pokes at his food.
CHARLIE
What is it?
SNACKS
Who cares? It smells awesome. Oh,
and thanks for getting those guys
off my back earlier today.
CHARLIE
I just re-directed their line of
fire. You want some help?
SNACKS
That'd be great. I've got a couple
quarters in my pocket. Hit D-5.
CHARLIE
I meant help getting down.
SNACKS
Better not. They'll just double the
tape next time.
Charlie grabs the knife from his tray.
CHARLIE
I can't leave you here.
He begins to hack at the tape holding Snacks to the machine.
CHARLIE (CONT’D)
I'm Charlie.
SNACKS
Koby, but everyone calls me Snacks.
CHARLIE
Of course they do.
Suddenly, a hand presses Charlie's against the glass. The
knife drops to the ground. He's surrounded, swallowed by a
sea of nerds.
GOTH GEEK
Bad idea, toilet breath.
CHARLIE
I think the bad idea was your
parents ever meeting.
Goth Geek slams into Charlie and the boys roll around,
fighting for control.
Students swarm from every direction to get a view of the
action. "Fight. Fight. Fight."
Charlie gets the upper hand, pins Goth Geek to the ground. He
pulls his fist back...
The crowd suddenly goes silent as a chill fills the
cafeteria. Charlie tries to make out what's going on.
FOOTSTEPS echo across the room. The crowd parts.
A long, black cape nips at black boots as an ominous figure
splits the crowd and moves to Charlie's side.
BENNY OLTORF, 17, King of the Nerds, has arrived. While he
surely thinks of himself as a teen Darth Vader, he's really
more a modern-day Ichabod Crane.
He lowers his shades and stares down Charlie. Speaks with an
accent that seems to be a strange mix of Spanish and Swedish.
BENNY
This the guy?
GOTH GEEK
Yeah.
BENNY
(to Charlie)
Do you know who I am?
CHARLIE
Dork Vader?
Benny allows himself a hint of a smile. Then a frown.
BENNY
Funny guy. I'm Benny, leader of the
Jets. And you're either very brave
or very stupid.
Benny circles Charlie. Makes a show of his cape.
BENNY (CONT’D)
It will be a shame to kill you.
Princess leans over and whispers in Benny's ear.
BENNY (CONT’D)
Really.
(to Charlie)
Apparently I can't kill you.
Benny grabs a fistful of Charlie's shirt. A crooked smile
reveals a set of equally crooked teeth.
BENNY (CONT’D)
But cross the Jets again, and we
will make your life a living hell.
Is that what you want?
Now it’s Charlie’s turn to smile.
CHARLIE
Nah. I’ve been to hell. Didn’t like
the way your mom ran it.
Benny, furious, pushes Charlie to the floor. Looks to Goth
Geek - "deal with him." Benny sweeps his cape dramatically,
turns and walks away. The crowd parts as he does.
As Charlie watches him leave, he notices Izzy sitting at a
nearby table with several GIRLS.
She glances at Charlie. A hint of a smile, and Charlie grins
in return. For a moment, all is right in his world.
Unfortunately, this is Charlie's world, so naturally, the joy
is short-lived. A PAIR OF HANDS grabs him by the shoulders.
LATER
Snacks, still taped to the vending machine, is not alone.
Charlie hangs next to him. Upside-down.
SNACKS
Which one is your favorite? I like
the Animal Crackers. Let 'em get
stale, dunk 'em in milk --
Charlie's head bangs softly against the glass.
CHARLIE
Is every day going to be like this?
SNACKS
Most likely, yeah.
Charlie resumes banging his head against the glass. A candy
bar drops from its perch.
SNACKS (CONT’D)
Sweet!
Charlie looks to the floor. A pair of Keds’ sneakers appear
in his line of sight. He tilts his head up to see:
TREKKIE. He puts a finger to his lips: SHHH.
Trekkie reaches into his pocket, pulls out a switchblade and
flicks it open, then hacks at the tape.
SNACKS (CONT’D)
What’s going on?
CHARLIE
It’s Trekkie.
SNACKS
Oh cool.
(To Trekkie)
Want to share some animal crackers?
CHARLIE
Why are you helping us?
TREKKIE
Benny treats me just like he treats
you. None of us deserve it.
He continues to hack away.
INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
Charlie lays on his bed, a school book on his lap. His
attention wanders over to the picture of he and his dad on a
night stand next to the bed.
CHARLIE
It's not what I expected, dad.
I don't fit in.
(beat)
How do I stop being the prey?
Nothing. Charlie sighs, returns to his book.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - LOCKER AREA - DAY
Charlie opens his locker. Inside, a NOTE. It simply reads:
"TAKE THE CHALLENGE."
Charlie looks around. Studies the note. Confused, he stuffs
it in his backpack, grabs a few books and shuffles away.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - LATER
Toots, Charlie, Izzy and Snacks walk down the hallway. Just
as they reach some classroom doors, they burst open. Benny
barges right over Charlie, sending him splaying on the floor.
CHARLIE
You blind, you big doofus?
BENNY
What did you say, you pinhead?
CHARLIE
Am I supposed to be insulted by
that? The reason I ask is because
I'm a pinhead.
Benny is thrown off kilter. Frustrated, he reaches down and
grabs Charlie's backpack, turns it upside down. The note from
Charlie’s locker flutters to the floor in front of Snacks.
Benny takes the backpack and jams it on Charlie's head. Zips
it up. Charlie has the proverbial turkey on the head look.
BENNY
You’re not very bright, are you.
CHARLIE
Well, I am a pinhead.
IZZY
Leave him alone, Benny.
The backpack turns in Izzy's direction.
CHARLIE
I got this.
Benny pushes Charlie over and stomps off. Charlie struggles
to get the backpack off.
CHARLIE (CONT’D)
Maybe I don’t...
He finally gets it off just as Snacks finds the note on the
floor. He picks it up and reads: TAKE THE CHALLENGE. He waves
the note at Charlie.
SNACKS
What is this?
CHARLIE
It was in my locker.
SNACKS
Forget it, okay? You’re wasting
your time. And you’ll get killed.
CHARLIE
I don't even know what we're
talking about. What the heck is
this Challenge anyway?
INT. HIGH SCHOOL- MAIN ENTRANCE - DAY
Charlie, Izzy, Toots and Snacks stand in front of the school
trophy case. It's pretty sparse.
Above the meager collection of trophies is a banner:
"PINCKLEY HIGH SCHOOL - HOME OF THE FIGHTING LEGUMES!"
In the corner of the case rests a BEANSTALK.
CHARLIE
The Fighting Legumes?
TOOTS
When the only thing your town is
known for is producing soybeans,
the name kinda sticks.
CHARLIE
Kinda sucks.
SNACKS
It’s a big deal around here. The
Pork and Beans Challenge brings the
winner mad respect and glory. See,
our big rival is James Francis Ryan
High. Their mascot is the Wild
Hogs, and every year students from
each school are supposed to try and
steal the other's mascot the week
before the big game. To win the
Challenge, they have to get the
rival's mascot to midfield during
the halftime show.
CHARLIE
Crazy. Anyone ever pulled it off?
TOOTS
Ryan High could care less. Our
mascot is just a guy with a paper
mache bean head. Hard to steal when
we just keep it locked up until the
night of the game. But their
mascot...
Toots points to a picture near the large beanstalk.
INSERT: A large picture of five students surrounding a
massive hog.
CHARLIE
Holy cow. Who are those guys?
TOOTS
That’s the last group from Pinkley
to pull it off, twenty years ago.
IZZY
(proudly)
That’s my dad on the end. Skip.
CHARLIE
So awesome. I’ll bet that...
Charlie trails off. Suddenly his eyes go wide with amazement.
CHARLIE (CONT’D)
Oh my gosh... Dad?
(points)
That’s my dad! Wow!
IZZY
What? Where?
CHARLIE
Third from the left!
IZZY
Your dad was friends with my dad?
That’s so cool.
SNACKS
It was cool. But that was then.
This is now. No one in their right
mind is going after that hog.
TOOTS
Nice buzz kill, man.
SNACKS
C’mon, we gotta get to class.
Charlie takes in the picture a little longer.
CHARLIE
(to himself)
Mad respect and glory...