Squeal Team Six

The Jets crowd around a laptop. A video of rolling farm land

plays on the screen.

BENNY

What is this, a Green Acres rerun?

GOTH GEEK

Trekkie used his drone to get video

of the farm where the hog is kept.

BENNY

It’s about time he did something

worthwhile for the team.

Trekkie is stung by the remark.

BENNY (CONT’D)

You’re not going to cry, are you?

Stop acting like one of Charles’

lame friends. Or maybe you want to

join them? You’d fit right in.

Trekkie hangs his head and holds his tongue. The rest of the

Jets return their focus to the screen.

More detail comes into view. A farmhouse. A barn. Pens for

animals. Hobbit points to the screen.

HOBBIT

Probably where they're keeping it.

GOTH GEEK

Look how far the pen is from the

road. How are we going to get that

hog all the way from there to the

road without getting nailed?

BENNY

I’ll deal with that. You worry

about keeping Charles and his gang

away from that ghastly beast.

Benny slaps Trekkie in the back of the head.

BENNY (CONT’D)

And you. Why don’t you get a drone

with a higher resolution camera?

This footage sucks.

Trekkie stews over his treatment.

Charlie and Izzy sit in the stands, doing schoolwork. She

scoots over a little closer, leans in, and looks over his

work. Charlie smells her hair and smiles. He’s in heaven.

IZZY

What did you get for number three?

CHARLIE

(dazed and confused)

Three, three... um, three?

Izzy gives him a funny look.

CHARLIE (CONT’D)

Sorry. I was distracted by your

hair. It smells nice. Like berries.

With whipped cream. And maybe a big

helping of pancakes.

IZZY

Oh. Um... Thanks?

CHARLIE

That sounded weird, didn’t it? I do

that sometimes. Say things without

thinking and it just blurts out

like water spewing from a fire--

Izzy puts a finger on Charlie’s lips. SHHH. Once he’s

collected himself, she leans in and plants a kiss on those

lips. If Charlie thought he was in heaven before...

It’s a sweet kiss, not one that lingers, and as they break

apart, and lean back, we see that TREKKIE is standing there

watching them.

Izzy is a little embarrassed, but at this point nothing could

faze Charlie.

IZZY

What do you want?

Trekkie holds out a thumb drive.

TREKKIE

I want to help.

From underneath the stands, Goth Geek and Princess watch the

transaction unfold. As the thumb drive changes hands, they

hustle away.

Charlie, Izzy, Trekkie, Killer and Meg sit at the dining room

table and look at a laptop screen, where Trekkie’s drone

footage shows the hog's pen and the nearby pen of calves.

Killer draws a line with his finger from the road to the pen.

IZZY

The guards are gonna see us coming

from a mile away.

The team is downcast. Killer, not so much.

KILLER

Unless they don't.

CHARLIE

Sorry, Dumbledore, but none of us

have invisibility cloaks.

KILLER

Won't need them. Meg, isn't the big

game always right around Halloween?

MEG

(snaps her fingers)

And Ryan always holds a bonfire

party the night before the game.

IZZY

Wait a second. You're saying we're

going to steal the mascot at a

party full of Ryan students?

TREKKIE

Doesn't sound difficult at all.

KILLER

No one's going to expect you,

that's for sure. We'll have the

element of surprise.

(beat)

And if it wasn't difficult, anyone

could do it.

Killer's focus turns to Trekkie.

KILLER (CONT’D)

Listen, kid, this is great that you

provided us this video, but how do

we know we can trust you? That

you’re not going to run right back

to Benny and tell him everything

we’re doing?

TREKKIE

You don’t. But if you’d been

through what I have with him, then

you’d understand.

Killer leans over, looks Trekkie dead in the eyes.

KILLER

Son, I’ve been through stuff that

no man ought to go through. Seen

people treated like animals.

Tortured. Maimed. And it makes me

madder than hell to see kids like

you get bullied and abused. Jack

and Izzy’s dads were on the end of

that abuse in high school, and I

swore that I would never stand by

and let that happen if I could ever

do anything about. So, I do get it.

(pats Trekkie on shoulder)

But double-cross my team, compadre,

and I will be a very unhappy man.

Are we clear?

TREKKIE

Yes, sir.

KILLER

All right, then.

The team huddles around Killer. It's cool. Each breath hangs

in the air like cigarette smoke.

Killer stands next to an ugly cud-chewing cow. The kids can't

help but gawk at this pathetic excuse for a farm animal.

TOOTS

This ain't a hog.

KILLER

Thanks, Captain Obvious. But since

Emo’s family doesn’t raise pigs, we

have to improvise. That hog isn’t

going in the trailer on his own.

Killer produces a rope fashioned into a halter and hands it

to Charlie. Points to an open-bed trailer thirty yards away.

KILLER (CONT’D)

For now, this cow is the hog. Let's

see you slip this over the cow's

neck, then lead him up that ramp

onto the trailer.

Charlie has a blank look.

CHARLIE

You mean by myself?

Charlie looks to the others - no one steps forward.

He walks hesitantly to the cow. He slips the rope over the

cow's head and tightens the halter. But that's as good as it

gets for Charlie.

He tries to pull the cow toward the trailer, but the animal

is having none of it.

Charlie yanks, cajoles, pleads. The cow doesn't budge. In

fact, it's comical in the more Charlie tries, the less the

cow is determined not to move.

Trekkie and Toots get behind the cow and try to push as

Charlie pulls. They just get swatted in the face with the

cow’s tail.

KILLER

(to Emo)

Hey cow whisperer. You have some

ancient saying for moving Bessie?

EMO

Nothing in life is to be feared, it

is only to be understood.

Emo nonchalantly takes some straw from a nearby hay bale and

walks over. He takes the rope from Charlie and waves the

straw in front of the cow.

The cow lunges forward with its head to grab the straw, but

Emo pulls it back and walks backwards right into the trailer.

The cow slowly follows him, up and in. The others are amazed

with the ease Emo controls the cow.

IZZY

Can it really be that easy?

KILLER

Nope. A hog’s a different story.

And if it doesn't like what you're

offering you might wind up as the

pig slop. So let's try it again.

(to Izzy)

Your turn, princess.

LATER--

Emo and Toots take turns tossing fireworks at a nearby

scarecrow wearing a Ryan High t-shirt. The fireworks land all

around, but completely miss the target.

A nearby cow gets spooked by the noise and skitters away.

Killer watches the cow with interest, as Charlie walks up.

CHARLIE

You know it’s against the law to

actually hit anyone with these

fireworks, right?

TOOTS

Ain't trying to hit anyone. Just

wanna scare 'em.

CHARLIE

We're trying to be inconspicuous.

This is the opposite of that. We

might as well pop out of a cake and

yell "We're here!"

TOOTS

Scaring them away from the hog

might be just what we need.

Killer leans up against a tree watching the activity.

KILLER

We don’t need anyone blowing the

arms off of rival students, but

you've given me an idea.

Calista suddenly jumps up.

CALISTA

Guys! I have a surprise for you!

Something we can use for the

Challenge! It’s super awesome and I

can't wait to show you! Let's meet

at Charlie's house tonight after

dinner. Did I mention it was super

awesome?

Everyone murmurs their acknowledgement.

The end of a beautiful day. The sun just begins to set over a

distant hill. A low rumble of yells emerges from beyond the

hill’s crest, then grows and grows.

Eventually, a head appears over the crest. Then a body. It’s

Benny, leading the Jets on a run. It’s not a fast run, it’s

more of a trot, but as they head downhill, it speeds up.

Like an out-of-control train, they head downhill at breakneck

speed. And inevitably, like the train, they begin to crash

and burn as they trip over rocks, fallen logs and each other.

They reach the bottom of the hill where a small stream,

barely eight feet wide, awaits. A rope hangs from a tree on

the shoreline to help people cross.

Benny wisely skids to a halt, but Goth Geek barrels past him

and winds up face down in the muck.

Hobbit tries to navigate across with rope but barely gets a

foot across before slipping and falling in backwards.

Jedi grabs hold of the rope and swings out of view, only to

swing back into view hopelessly entangled in the rope and

hanging upside down.

Benny looks helplessly at the nerd sideshow before him.

DUGGAN

I can’t believe what I’m seeing.

You’re weak! You’re spineless!

You’re nothing but a bunch of...

JEDI

Nerds?

Benny’s eyes flash with anger.

BENNY

NO! We’re more than that! We’re

Jets! The most fearsome name in the

tri-county high school engineering

world. One Jet is greater than the

whole of Charles’ band of idiots.

And we will have our vengeance upon

them, just like the Dark Lord Skulk

when--

Once again, GROANS arise from the Jets.

BENNY (CONT’D)

What?

Basement Alliances

Basement Alliances