It's not your average school principal's office.
A BB8 robot on the desk. A Starship Enterprise model on a
credenza. Harry Potter and other memorabilia scattered about.
It’s not a principal’s office, it’s a nerd museum.
Duggan sits at his desk, picks up a Darth Vader figurine, and
pretends to do battle with a Harry Potter one.
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN
(as Vader)
Give up, Potter. You cannot win.
Come to the dark side.
He makes light saber noises. ZZZZZZ. ZZZZZZ.
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D)
(as Harry Potter)
You think you’re powerful but
you’ve forgotten that I’m the boy
that cannot die! Expelliarmus!
(as Darth)
Your spells are no good here, boy--
Duggan looks up to see Killer standing in the doorway.
Embarrassed, he puts the figurines away quickly.
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D)
What do you want?
KILLER
Sorry to interrupt, uh, whatever
this is, but what’s the deal with
suspending Charlie but not Benny?
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN
There is no “deal.” Charlie was the
instigator. You even had to stop
him in mid-air to keep him from
pummeling Benny.
KILLER
Pummeling? Not sure that’s how I’d
describe it. You must have missed
the opening act. But you always
were late to the party. Wait. I
forgot, you were never invited.
Duggan ignores him. Killer leans over the desk.
KILLER (CONT’D)
And now I get what’s going on here.
You're still angry that Jack
wouldn't let you join our team when
we stole the Ryan mascot, and
you're taking it out on his son.
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN
Don’t be ridiculous. And it’s not
your place to get involved.
KILLER
If I don’t get involved, I’m not
doing my job.
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN
These kids can handle their
differences on their own. Now get
out. I’m busy.
KILLER
(as Darth; heavy breaths)
Yes, Master Duggan.
Killer turns to go, and as he leaves:
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN
One more thing. If these kids are
taking on the Challenge, stay out
of it if you want to keep your job.
Killer SLAMS the door. Duggan stews in his chair.
Meg's car comes to a stop in front of the school. Charlie
gets out and trudges up the steps to the entrance.
Charlie enters the room. Two other STUDENTS are already
there. One texts incessantly on her phone, the other listens
to music on headphones. Both do so out of boredom.
Charlie sits at one of the desks, unsure what to do, so he
fidgets with his backpack. He looks up as the door opens.
Killer walks in. He parks himself at the teacher's desk.
The other two students don't even acknowledge Killer's
presence, but Charlie just stares at him.
KILLER
What?
CHARLIE
Just surprised to see you here.
KILLER
You're not the only one on Duggan's
bad side.
CHARLIE
What'd you do?
KILLER
Stood up for myself.
CHARLIE
Thought doing that was supposed to
be a good thing. Seems like it only
gets you into trouble around here.
KILLER
Standing up for yourself isn't a
bad thing, kid. Just have to pick
your battles. For instance, don't
pick the middle of the lunchroom to
stand up to Benny when everyone,
especially Duggan, is watching.
CHARLIE
Don't be the prey. Do something
bold. Stand up for yourself unless
someone’s watching. Who’s making up
these rules?
KILLER
Life gives you all the directions
you need, kid. You just don't want
to follow 'em.
Charlie heads back to his desk, but then thinks of something.
CHARLIE
What did you mean when you told
Principal Duggan "It still eats at
you after all these years?"
KILLER
(deflecting)
None of your beeswax. Just do your
homework so I can take a nap.
SERIES OF SHOTS:
-- The clock on the wall reads 8:15. Charlie stares at it.
-- Charlie doodles a large hog in a notebook.
-- Killer naps in his chair. Snores loudly.
-- The clock reads 9:30. Charlie reads a comic book.
-- The clock reads 9:55. Charlie drops his head on the desk.
END SERIES OF SHOTS
Killer, bored, gets up from his chair.
KILLER (CONT’D)
You guys have punished me enough.
Get out of here.
Everyone looks at Killer blankly.
KILLER (CONT’D)
Scram!
The students do as they’re told and quickly run out.
Charlie follows the other students out. Looks like a sad lost
puppy. Killer watches him through a window in the front door.
Killer walks through an empty hallway. He passes the glass
trophy case and pauses. His focus is drawn to the picture of
his team that won the Challenge, and in particular, to Jack.
KILLER
You always were a pain in the butt.
Turns out your son isn’t much
different. So what’re we going to
do about it?
(beat)
Great. Now he’s got me talking to
you as well.
The scoreboard shows the Fighting Legumes losing 33-6 at
halftime. The band limps weakly through its fight song.
Charlie, Emo, Toots, Snacks and Calista sit in the half
vacant stands. Izzy tromps on the field with the band.
CHARLIE
We have three weeks. Any ideas on a
plan to capture the hog?
CALISTA
Super awesome uniforms that scream
"espionage!"
CHARLIE
Any other suggestions?
CALISTA
Oh, only the guys get to contribute
to this little "team." I HATE YOU
AND YOUR SEXIST ATTITUDE YOU PIG!
(beat; then cheerily)
Anyone want a soda?
CHARLIE
Uh...Any other sane suggestions?
TOOTS
Drugs?
CHARLIE
We're not doing drugs, Toots.
TOOTS
No, man, we drug the hog. Put it to
sleep so we can kidnap it.
KILLER (O.S.)
You drug a 500 pound hog, then just
pick it up and put it in a U-Haul.
Everyone turns to see Killer sitting two rows behind them.
KILLER (CONT’D)
Sounds like the perfect plan to me.
TOOTS
See? He agrees with me.
KILLER
You guys obviously have no clue how
to go about this, do you?
Everyone nods. It's not exactly awe-inspiring.
KILLER (CONT’D)
Boy, I know I’ll regret this, but
I'm going to help you out.
If they weren't showing excitement before, they are now.
Excited cries of joy from everyone. Killer sighs.
KILLER (CONT’D)
Okay, settle down. First rule is:
I'm in charge. And I'm going to
train you hard. Really hard. You’ll
want to quit. But if you stick with
it, and do everything I say, then
you might just get lucky. You
don't, you'll fail. Big time. But
at least you’ll have tried, and
there’s a lot to be said for that..
As of now, you're a team. There are
no individuals.
CALISTA
Oooh. A team! What's our team name?
We have to have a team name. All
the good teams have names,
amiright? Bennifer. Bradgelina.
Fortunately for the team, inspiration hits Charlie.
CHARLIE
Squeal Team Six.
Killer’s eyes narrow at the suggestion. Then a nod.
KILLER
It’s stupid and inane. Personally
I’m insulted. But sure, why not?
Everyone looks as if they've just been bestowed the highest
honor anyone could ever receive. But:
KILLER (CONT’D)
You don't talk to anyone about what
we're doing. This is our mission,
no one else’s. So if you're not
serious about this, get out now,
because we begin tomorrow morning.
Charlie gives Killer a curious look as if to ask: Why? Killer
sticks the cigar in his mouth.
KILLER (CONT’D)
I told you. Sometimes you have to
stand up for others.
A frustrated Snacks stands up and walks to the exit. Charlie
watches him go, then elbows the others.
CHARLIE
C’mon, let’s go talk some sense
into Snacks.
— ⑤
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - DAY
It's not your average school principal's office.
A BB8 robot on the desk. A Starship Enterprise model on a
credenza. Harry Potter and other memorabilia scattered about.
It’s not a principal’s office, it’s a nerd museum.
Duggan sits at his desk, picks up a Darth Vader figurine, and
pretends to do battle with a Harry Potter one.
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN
(as Vader)
Give up, Potter. You cannot win.
Come to the dark side.
He makes light saber noises. ZZZZZZ. ZZZZZZ.
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D)
(as Harry Potter)
You think you’re powerful but
you’ve forgotten that I’m the boy
that cannot die! Expelliarmus!
(as Darth)
Your spells are no good here, boy--
Duggan looks up to see Killer standing in the doorway.
Embarrassed, he puts the figurines away quickly.
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D)
What do you want?
KILLER
Sorry to interrupt, uh, whatever
this is, but what’s the deal with
suspending Charlie but not Benny?
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN
There is no “deal.” Charlie was the
instigator. You even had to stop
him in mid-air to keep him from
pummeling Benny.
KILLER
Pummeling? Not sure that’s how I’d
describe it. You must have missed
the opening act. But you always
were late to the party. Wait. I
forgot, you were never invited.
Duggan ignores him. Killer leans over the desk.
KILLER (CONT’D)
And now I get what’s going on here.
You're still angry that Jack
wouldn't let you join our team when
we stole the Ryan mascot, and
you're taking it out on his son.
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN
Don’t be ridiculous. And it’s not
your place to get involved.
KILLER
If I don’t get involved, I’m not
doing my job.
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN
These kids can handle their
differences on their own. Now get
out. I’m busy.
KILLER
(as Darth; heavy breaths)
Yes, Master Duggan.
Killer turns to go, and as he leaves:
PRINCIPAL DUGGAN
One more thing. If these kids are
taking on the Challenge, stay out
of it if you want to keep your job.
Killer SLAMS the door. Duggan stews in his chair.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - MAIN ENTRANCE - MORNING
Meg's car comes to a stop in front of the school. Charlie
gets out and trudges up the steps to the entrance.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - MORNING
Charlie enters the room. Two other STUDENTS are already
there. One texts incessantly on her phone, the other listens
to music on headphones. Both do so out of boredom.
Charlie sits at one of the desks, unsure what to do, so he
fidgets with his backpack. He looks up as the door opens.
Killer walks in. He parks himself at the teacher's desk.
The other two students don't even acknowledge Killer's
presence, but Charlie just stares at him.
KILLER
What?
CHARLIE
Just surprised to see you here.
KILLER
You're not the only one on Duggan's
bad side.
CHARLIE
What'd you do?
KILLER
Stood up for myself.
CHARLIE
Thought doing that was supposed to
be a good thing. Seems like it only
gets you into trouble around here.
KILLER
Standing up for yourself isn't a
bad thing, kid. Just have to pick
your battles. For instance, don't
pick the middle of the lunchroom to
stand up to Benny when everyone,
especially Duggan, is watching.
CHARLIE
Don't be the prey. Do something
bold. Stand up for yourself unless
someone’s watching. Who’s making up
these rules?
KILLER
Life gives you all the directions
you need, kid. You just don't want
to follow 'em.
Charlie heads back to his desk, but then thinks of something.
CHARLIE
What did you mean when you told
Principal Duggan "It still eats at
you after all these years?"
KILLER
(deflecting)
None of your beeswax. Just do your
homework so I can take a nap.
SERIES OF SHOTS:
-- The clock on the wall reads 8:15. Charlie stares at it.
-- Charlie doodles a large hog in a notebook.
-- Killer naps in his chair. Snores loudly.
-- The clock reads 9:30. Charlie reads a comic book.
-- The clock reads 9:55. Charlie drops his head on the desk.
END SERIES OF SHOTS
Killer, bored, gets up from his chair.
KILLER (CONT’D)
You guys have punished me enough.
Get out of here.
Everyone looks at Killer blankly.
KILLER (CONT’D)
Scram!
The students do as they’re told and quickly run out.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - MAIN ENTRANCE - DAY
Charlie follows the other students out. Looks like a sad lost
puppy. Killer watches him through a window in the front door.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
Killer walks through an empty hallway. He passes the glass
trophy case and pauses. His focus is drawn to the picture of
his team that won the Challenge, and in particular, to Jack.
KILLER
You always were a pain in the butt.
Turns out your son isn’t much
different. So what’re we going to
do about it?
(beat)
Great. Now he’s got me talking to
you as well.
EXT. FOOTBALL STADIUM - NIGHT
The scoreboard shows the Fighting Legumes losing 33-6 at
halftime. The band limps weakly through its fight song.
Charlie, Emo, Toots, Snacks and Calista sit in the half
vacant stands. Izzy tromps on the field with the band.
CHARLIE
We have three weeks. Any ideas on a
plan to capture the hog?
CALISTA
Super awesome uniforms that scream
"espionage!"
CHARLIE
Any other suggestions?
CALISTA
Oh, only the guys get to contribute
to this little "team." I HATE YOU
AND YOUR SEXIST ATTITUDE YOU PIG!
(beat; then cheerily)
Anyone want a soda?
CHARLIE
Uh...Any other sane suggestions?
TOOTS
Drugs?
CHARLIE
We're not doing drugs, Toots.
TOOTS
No, man, we drug the hog. Put it to
sleep so we can kidnap it.
KILLER (O.S.)
You drug a 500 pound hog, then just
pick it up and put it in a U-Haul.
Everyone turns to see Killer sitting two rows behind them.
KILLER (CONT’D)
Sounds like the perfect plan to me.
TOOTS
See? He agrees with me.
KILLER
You guys obviously have no clue how
to go about this, do you?
Everyone nods. It's not exactly awe-inspiring.
KILLER (CONT’D)
Boy, I know I’ll regret this, but
I'm going to help you out.
If they weren't showing excitement before, they are now.
Excited cries of joy from everyone. Killer sighs.
KILLER (CONT’D)
Okay, settle down. First rule is:
I'm in charge. And I'm going to
train you hard. Really hard. You’ll
want to quit. But if you stick with
it, and do everything I say, then
you might just get lucky. You
don't, you'll fail. Big time. But
at least you’ll have tried, and
there’s a lot to be said for that..
As of now, you're a team. There are
no individuals.
CALISTA
Oooh. A team! What's our team name?
We have to have a team name. All
the good teams have names,
amiright? Bennifer. Bradgelina.
Fortunately for the team, inspiration hits Charlie.
CHARLIE
Squeal Team Six.
Killer’s eyes narrow at the suggestion. Then a nod.
KILLER
It’s stupid and inane. Personally
I’m insulted. But sure, why not?
Everyone looks as if they've just been bestowed the highest
honor anyone could ever receive. But:
KILLER (CONT’D)
You don't talk to anyone about what
we're doing. This is our mission,
no one else’s. So if you're not
serious about this, get out now,
because we begin tomorrow morning.
Charlie gives Killer a curious look as if to ask: Why? Killer
sticks the cigar in his mouth.
KILLER (CONT’D)
I told you. Sometimes you have to
stand up for others.
A frustrated Snacks stands up and walks to the exit. Charlie
watches him go, then elbows the others.
CHARLIE
C’mon, let’s go talk some sense
into Snacks.